April 19, 2010
Somehow, in the excitement of actually making the first two episodes of The Broad Experience, I managed to overlook the advice of one of my professors, Jeremy Caplan, to actually work on lining up some sponsors. You mean approaching people and asking them for money? Convincing them that my years of making radio and the show I'm producing now mean I am actually worth funding? This is daunting to say the least. And thinking about it brings up the usual am-I-really-cut-out-for-this-entrepreneur-thing doubts. Here I am hosting content that essentially encourages women to put themselves out there and go for it, yet I find the whole process painful. For one thing, asking for money: how *much* money? How am I supposed to know what sum is reasonable? For another, this process involves the usual rigmarole of steeling myself, convincing myself that what I'm doing is, in fact, important - worth listening to, investing in and so on. And dammit, it IS important. There are so many bits of being female that get swept under the rug, overlooked, but that really affect the way women conduct themselves and the results they get in life. I also worry about the words I'll use to ask for money. The fact is, despite having reported on business for seven years, and even learning MBA-like stuff on this CUNY program, I do not remotely feel like a businesswoman. I still feel like the arts-brained, math-challenged (I'm not imagining this part) rather woolly person who floats about hoping she'll fall into whatever is right for her.
That didn't work out so well.
Anyone remember that AA Milne poem (sadly no relation) 'Now We Are Six'? The last line reads, 'Now I am six, I'm clever as clever, so I think I'll be six now for ever and ever.' Maybe I will finally feel clever as clever when I'm 60. Less than 20 years to go. In the meantime, though, I am seriously considering a show on late bloomers.